last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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