That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I AM VODKA MAN
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
