I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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