Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
