I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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