A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have aggressive nipples.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
