david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
