we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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