I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
