I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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