dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
