So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
