I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
