There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
