my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
