So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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