remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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