somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
