Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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