The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
