i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
