He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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