Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
