"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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