We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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