Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your cock deserves a montage
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
