I need help removing her.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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