Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
God, I missed his penis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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