I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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