Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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