I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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