I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
