You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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