she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
