Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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