U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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