how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
