is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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