you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
they need to just BURY HIM!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
