Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize