Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
