no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
