another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A bitchslap is in order.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.