I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
