So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
