Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
