"it" just moved
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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