I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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