I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
