No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
