I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
