Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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