they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Still dying that you shit outside
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
