The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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