I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need a beard to bite.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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