Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
