i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I party with great urgency now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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