i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
