Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize