I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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