I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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