She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
