i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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