You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
