we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
