also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
