I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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