The maid of honor just puked.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
